Broken Promises
by mischiefmanaged3294
Summary: Sirius and Remus have made and broken many promises to each other over the years. But when they make what may be the most important of their lives, will they be able to keep them?   Slightly AU. Mature for later chapters.
1. Loss

_AN: This is my first Harry Potter fanfic, ever, so I hope I do it justice. I've changed a couple aspects of the books, most of them in this chapter, but there will be a couple more in the future, so don't panic if the story doesn't go perfectly with the books. Please review and let me know what you think!_

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><p>If you asked 20 different people how they would describe him and you'll get 20 different answers. Several of them might refer to his undeniable allure, or his constant nonchalance that just added to his reputation as a bad ass. Even so, all of these descriptions would differ because of one simple fact: Sirius Black just couldn't be described, not properly anyway. Sirius Black is and most likely always will be indefinable.<p>

Sirius Black is also, however, a wanted fugitive. While you might be quick to say this just adds to how interesting he is, that couldn't be further from the truth. Life on the run was not only hard, inconvenient, to say the lease, and often cold; it was also incredibly lonely.

Sirius was not used to being lonely. Back at school when he was young, he had the attention of the majority of the schools, girls (and some boys) wanted him and the boys that didn't wanted to _be_ him. But besides being popular, Sirius also had 3 best friends that he wouldn't have traded for the world. James, his partner-in-crime when it came to pranks, Remus, the level-headed, intelligent one who kept them out of trouble when he could, and Peter, who was always there to lend a helping hand.

Even after Hogwarts, Sirius kept his 3 friends close, but now the group had changed, and for the better. James had finally gotten the girl of his dreams, Lily Evans, and they were married. And Remus... well, Sirius and Remus had fallen in love and were living together happily.

Sirius didn't think life could get any better, and he was right.

It could get worse, though.

It was just a few months after James and Lily's son, Harry's, first birthday. Sirius had been named Harry's godfather and he and Remus spent as much time as possible with the boy. As it was highly unlikely that they would ever have a child of their own, Sirius and Remus became Harry's unofficial second set of parents.

But that nearly perfect world was about to be completely shattered.

None of them could have anticipated it, but not only did their group of friends fall apart, but it was also one of the 4 Marauders that caused it.

One day, Sirius had everything he could ever ask for, and the next, two of his best friends were dead, because of the actions of someone he thought was his best friend, who James and Lily also thought was their best friend, and Sirius was the one most people seemed to think was responsible.

The rest of the wizarding world was celebrating. You-Know-Who was gone, and it was just a little boy who killed him; Harry Potter, the boy who lived. Meanwhile, Sirius was living his own worst nightmare. James and Lily, dead, and Harry was now an orphan at only one year old. Sirius would never be able to forgive Peter for what he did. He not only tore apart the Potter family, but also their family, He and Remus, Lily and James and Peter. The Marauders could no longer exist, not with one dead and another a follower of Voldemort.

Sirius was originally going to be James and Lily's secret keeper. He would have kept them safe. But in order to protect Sirius and themselves, and to avoid the obvious choice, James and Lily switched secret keepers at the last minute. To Peter Pettigrew. No one knew, of course. Sirius hadn't even told Remus that he was secret keeper, or where James and Lily were hiding. It wasn't that he was afraid Remus would betray them; Sirius trusted Remus completely. He just didn't want him to be hurt. If Remus didn't know anything, then no one would go after him to try and extract the information.

So when Sirius got the news that James and Lily were dead, he got on his flying motor bike without so much as a word to Remus, flew to Godric's Hollow to try and get Harry to a safe place before any more harm could come to him.

Sirius found the house almost completely demolished, and broke down. This was the Potters' home. It was where James and Lily had celebrated their first anniversary. It was where he and Remus had shared a bed for the first time as a couple on their visit to celebrate their first Christmas out of school. It was where Harry had taken his first steps. And now it lay in shambles, all because of an immortality-obsessed dark wizard and a ridiculously vague prophecy.

Sirius could barely bring himself to go inside, knowing what would be waiting for him when he did. But he forced himself to cross the threshold. Harry was still inside, and Sirius would be damned if he was going to let him stay there.

Nothing could have prepared Sirius for the sight he found upon reaching the first landing.

James lay across two or three stairs, wand still clenched in his hand, eyes gazing wide and lifeless up at the ceiling. Of course James would have gone down fighting, protecting the two people he loved the most in the world.

Sirius felt tears running down his cheeks as he looked down at his best friend's lifeless body. He had known James almost his whole life, and had lived with him for the last few years of his Hogwarts schooling. James was closer to him than his biological, brother, Regulus, and Sirius would do anything to be the one dead on the stairs instead of James. He bent down to close James' eyes and kissing on the forehead as a final goodbye.

Sirius forced himself to leave James' side, continuing up the stairs to Harry's bedroom where he could hear the boy's shrill cries, calling for his mother and father. Sirius felt his tears intensify as he saw Lily's body laid out in front of Harry's crib, staying with Harry and protecting him, even after she was gone from this world.

Sirius bent to close her bright green eyes and kissed her forehead in the same fashion as he did James before standing and rushing to Harry's crib and lifting the wailing infant into his arms. A bright red lighting bolt stood out against Harry's pale skin, marking the deadly spell that hit him, but did not kill him. His mother's love and willingness to die for him saved him from death.

"Shh-shh-shh. I know." Sirius said, trying to calm Harry. "I miss them too. I miss them as much as you do. But they loved you so much, your mum and dad. They loved you more than anything in the world, enough to die in order to protect you."

Harry's cries quieted and soon, he was lying contentedly in his godfathers arms. Sirius had no idea how Harry could understand the gravity of the situation, as young as he was, but something about how Harry was acting showed that even though he was no longer crying, he knew there was something wrong. His mother wasn't with him and his home was gone. He was now an orphan.

Sirius Apparated quickly back out to the street, not wanting to have to walk past his best friend's body a second time.

"Sirius." a gruff, low voice said from behind him. "I'm guessin' ya heard the news and came right over?"

Sirius spun quickly to find Hagrid standing mere feet from him, clutching a pink umbrella.

"Yeah." Sirius choked out. " I had to get Harry-"

"I'm 'ere to collect 'im." Hagrid said. "I know you're 'is godfather 'n all, but Dumbledore thinks it's best if 'is aunt and uncle take 'im."

"Petunia?" Sirius said, the name bitter on his tongue. Harry must have felt him tense up because he began crying again. Sirius quickly calmed him before looking back up at Hagrid. "You can't be serious, Hagrid. Petunia? The one who called Lily a freak ever since she got her Hogwarts letter? The one who refuses to interact with any of 'our kind'?"

Hagrid shrugged. "Dumbledore reckons little Harry'll be a bit of a celebrity now. Wants 'im to grow up a normal boy."

"I can't let you take him." Sirius said, holding Harry against his chest. "I"m his godfather. Let me take him." He was starting to shake with the anger and sadness of it all.

Hagrid noticed Sirius was upset and went to comfort him, wrapping a large arm around Sirius' whole body. "You okay, Sirius?"

"Silly question." Sirius said around his tears.

"You're right. Look, Sirius, go home. Leave Harry with me and go home to Remus. We've all got to get through this together and he needs you there with him. James and Lily were his best friends, too."

Sirius pulled himself together, wiping away the stray tears on his cheeks. "You're right. I need to go back to Remus. Here. Take my motorbike. It'll be easier, now you've got Harry with you."

"Thanks, mate." Hagrid said. "You go on home and I'll return this to ya when I've dropped Harry off. Got to meet Dumbledore at the Dursley's soon, anyway."

"Take care of him, Hagrid." Sirius said, handing Harry over to Hagrid carefully, bending to speak to Harry, say goodbye for what he assumed would be a very long time. "Harry, you must never forget how much our parents love you. That scar, it proves it. Never forget that they love you, and they'll be watching over you, always."

Sirius straightened up and hugged Hagrid tightly then watched and waved as the motorbike disappeared into the night sky before Disapparating.

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	2. Love

_Second chapter! I've got several finished already, so they'll be coming pretty quickly. Review and let me know how I'm doing!_

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><p>"Sirius?" Remus' voice called from the other side of the apartment, almost the moment Sirius' feet hit the ground.<p>

Sirius followed the voice, almost running to their living room. Remus was standing next to the couch, a book lying forgotten on the ground next to couch.

"Moony." Sirius choked out, running to him and sweeping him into his arms.

His tears from before had subsided, but now, in the safety of his lover's arms, he let the tears fall freely. "Lily and James, Moony. They're…They're-" Sirius couldn't quite bring himself to say it.

"I know." Remus said, tears falling down his cheeks as well. "I found Dumbledore's letter on the table where you left it. I can't believe it."

Sirius tightened his hold on Remus, needing to feel him, feel his heart beat, to know he was still there and still alive.

Sirius and Remus held each other close for a long time, just letting each other cry it out. They weren't speaking, they were just letting out their grief in the only way they could think of. Neither wanted to be the first to let go.

When the tears had subsided, Sirius pulled out of the embrace, but not quite ready to let go of Remus, he kept hold of Remus' shoulders, just looking at him, ridiculously happy amongst all the sadness that he still had Remus in his life. He smiled weakly and kissed Remus slowly and passionately, needing to be close to him. The kiss came to an end and Sirius leaned forward to whisper in Remus' ear. "I'm so glad you're safe."

"Me?" Remus replied. "I was at home, reading a book. You were out doing god knows what. I was left alone to discover, through a letter that you didn't feel the need to show me, that two of my best friends. I go to find you, to know you're safe, only to find that you're missing. You couldn't have told me you were leaving?" Remus' tone was joking, but there was an undertone of anger and intense worry that let Sirius know that Remus was just as glad to have him home as Sirius was to be there.

"I'm so sorry, Moony. I didn't want you to worry, I just… I had to find Harry."

Remus let out a gasp. "Harry! How is he? Is he all right? Where is he?"

"I suspect Hagrid's almost got him to his aunt and uncle's by now." Sirius said, his voice starting to shake. "I wanted to take him back here, but Hagrid said Dumbledore didn't want him to grow up as a celebrity. So he was going to bring him to Petunia's."

"Petunia? But she hates magic, hated Lily! He'll never be treated right in that home!"

"I know. But you know how Hagrid gets when he's got orders from Dumbledore. I let him borrow my motorbike, to get Harry there."

Remus shook his head, not quite able to believe everything he was hearing. It was all so quick. Everything was happening to fast for him to realize exactly what it all meant. But Remus, being Remus, was always the one to try and see it from another's point of view. "I guess Dumbledore had a point. His name will go down in history. You should hear some of the things they're calling him. I had the radio on earlier. 'Harry Potter, the boy who lived'. No one wants to grow up like that."

"I know… but you know we can't visit him. Petunia would throw a fit, and besides, it would put him in danger."

Remus nodded sadly, knowing that Harry would have a hard childhood, and there was really nothing they could do about it. "I wish there was something we can do to make it easier."

"When the time comes, and Harry gets his Hogwarts letter, we'll find him and ten we'll be able to be in his life again." Sirius said, knowing that neither of them would be completely happy with that but they'd have to live with it, for Harry's sake. There was an utter sense of hopelessness, neither of them able to figure out a way to help Harry.

Sirius took a deep breath, knowing the conversation to follow wouldn't be one he'd enjoy. "Remus… Remus, I have to go do something."

"What?" Remus asked. "You're leaving? Where are you going? S help me god, if you try and kidnap Harry-"

"I'm not going to kidnap Harry. I can't tell you where I _am_ going, because if it all ends badly, I don't want you in any kind of trouble. I'll be back."

"What do you mean, 'if it all ends badly', Siri?" Remus said. "What's going on? Is this something to do with the Order?"

"Something like that. Moony, I need you to promise me something. Promise me, that no matter what you hear, or what you think happens, promise me you'll still love me."

"What?" Remus said. "Of course I'll still love you, no matter what."

"I love you, too, Moonshine." Sirius said, using the nickname reserved for when no one else was around.

"You have to promise me something, though." Remus said, starting to tear up again. "Promise me you'll come back."

"I'll be back. I promise." Sirius said, emotion behind every syllable. He kissed Remus deeply, not wanting to leave Remus' side for the rest of his life, but knowing what he had to do. This time, the kiss didn't end naturally; instead, Sirius seemed to have to force himself to separate from Remus, backing away and smiling slightly at Remus before Disapparating.

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	3. Revenge

_This chapter is the shortest so far... But one that's coming up is less than 300 words, so that's fun. Review to let me know what you think!  
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><p>Sirius was determined to find Peter Pettigrew. Peter had turned his back on the people who cared the most about him and had betrayed them all. Nothing could have made Sirius angrier. Peter, who had looked up to James; Peter, who they'd taken under their wing and protected; Peter, who owed so much to James, but turned him in away.<p>

Sirius went to look at Peter's childhood home first. As far as he knew, Peter was still living with his parents, but when his mother answered the door, she said she hadn't seen him in a few days, and did Sirius know where he was, because she was starting to get worried.

Afterwards, it took Sirius less than 24 hours to find Peter, going to all the places Peter liked to go, finally cornering him in a busy Muggle street.

"Peter, did you really think you could get away with this? I know everything about you being secret keeper. How could you?"

"The Dark Lord is very persuasive, Sirius. You have no idea-"

"I would never have sold out James and Lily like you did."

"He would have killed me!"

"Then you should have died!" Sirius barked, drawing his wand.

Peter all of a sudden has a dangerous glint in his eye, one Sirius had never seen before, and that worried him. "Maybe I will."

Sirius barely had time to blink before Peter started yelling so that the whole street could hear him. "Lily and James, Sirius, how could you?"

The beginning of a silencing spell flew from Sirius' lips, but it was cut short. The sound and force of the explosion made him completely disoriented. The Muggles on the street screamed, several of them having been caught in the blast, and the rest were screaming in shock at the scene in front of them.

Sirius looked in front of him and gasped. In the spot where Peter Pettigrew had stood, there was now a large crater and a single human finger. Sirius saw a rat scurry away into the sewer and realized what must have happened.

_We taught him well_, Sirius thought, _Marauders 'til the very end._

Sirius let out a harsh laugh, realizing how it must have seemed to the Muggles standing around him. Little Peter Pettigrew had set him up. For once, it wasn't Sirius doing something wrong, blame it on someone else and get away with it. For the first time in his life, Sirius had done nothing wrong, and he was still getting blamed for it.

As the Ministry task force arrived and took him into custody, Sirius couldn't stop laughing, almost as if it was the only thing he knew how to do anymore. However, the only thing running through Sirius' head was that he'd promised Remus he'd be home.

_Well, it wouldn't be the first promise I couldn't keep_, he thought, _But please, whoever's out there, please let Moony keep his._

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	4. Imprisonment

_Hoping you're all liking the story so far! I'm really enjoying writing it, so I hope you guys like reading it, too._

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><p>Sirius was once the most attractive person in school.<p>

His slim, yet muscular physique, his silky black hair and his smile that made you weak the knees were enough to charm anyone into submission, not to mention is natural charisma and ease when talking to people.

But now, he was just a ghost of his former self. 13 years in Azkaban had taken its toll on Sirius. There had been no trial. The only people who could have possibly defended him were dead, and Peter wasn't a registered animagus. There was no concrete proof that Sirius was, in fact, innocent. So he went to Azkaban where he was given two meals of cold soup a day and the Dementors took all of his happiness away.

However, although he now resembled a skeleton more than the man he used to be, his mind remained completely intact.

Most of the people who were sent to Azkaban were driven insane shortly after their arrival by the complete lack of anything happy to keep them going. Being without any form of happiness left most people to wallow in the dark, dank cell where they would stay for the rest of the foreseeable future.

But Sirius was different. He could hold on to good thoughts that weren't necessarily happy. Sirius knew he was innocent, knew what everyone thought of him was wrong. The Dementors couldn't take it away from him, because it wasn't happy- it was simply a fact.

The other thing that kept Sirius going was the memory of Remus. They had been happy together, yes, but not every memory of his best friend and lover were happy. And still, even the memories of them fighting, or his memories of pining over Remus during the second half of their school years were enough. They reminded him he had to stay sane, because he had someone to stay sane _for_. He had to get out and prove his innocence not just to the world, but also, and more importantly, to Remus.

So he stayed in Azkaban, waiting for any sort of word as to where Peter was.

The answer came in the form of a newspaper, given to him by the Minister of Magic himself, Cornelius Fudge.

"Black." Fudge called from outside the bars.

"Fudge." Sirius replied. "Hear you're Minister now. Guess I should congratulate you on that. Are you here to inspect the prison?"

"Thank you. And yes, yes I am. You're the only inmate that I've had a proper conversation with. From what the Dementors hear, you're not exhibiting normal behavior for inmates."

"Yes, well, when have I been one to be normal?" Sirius said, a corner of his mouth twitching up slightly in something that may have been a smile.

"Yes. Though it strikes me as odd that you've been here for almost 12 years and are in a better mental state than some who have only been hear one or two."

Sirius shrugged, not ready to tell the Minister he'd found a way to keep sane while surrounded by Dementors. "I guess some are just more hardheaded than others." Trying to change the subject, Sirius pointed a think finger at the paper in Fudge's pocket. "Any way I could take that _Prophet_ off your hands? Only it's dead boring in this tiny cell. A crossword would be a very welcome diversion."

"Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt." Fudge said, tossing the paper through the bars.

"Ta, Minister." Sirius said, tipping an imaginary hat.

"Well, Black, I'll, eh… see you next inspection, I'd wager."

"Do I look like I've got anything better to do?" Sirius said, gesturing at his surroundings. "Have a nice day, Minister. And congratulations, again."

Fudge shook his head and continued down the corridor, incredibly confused at the conversation that had just taken place.

Sirius pulled the paper towards himself, scanning the headlines quickly.

_Oh, look. Arthur and Molly. There's a bit more to the Weasley family than I remember_, Sirius thought, reading the caption and discovering that the Weasleys had won the drawing and used it to go to Egypt, and the new addition was the youngest of the family, a girl named Ginny. _Good for them, they could do with a vacation._

Sirius looked a bit closer, his eyes shifting, all thoughts of the Weasley family gone from his mind.

Perched on top of the youngest Weasley boy's shoulder was a rat, a rat missing a finger on one of his front paws.

_Peter_

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	5. Escape

_This chapter is so short it borders on ridiculous, but still. I like it. Let me know what you think!_

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><p>Sirius knew, the moment he saw the picture of Peter perched on Ron's shoulder that he had to get out. Ron was going to Hogwarts and he would be bringing Peter along. Harry would be there as well and who knows what Peter was up to? Sirius had to get out, to protect Harry. Sirius couldn't let anything happen to him, not when he already let Peter get to James and Lily.<p>

The Dementors noticed a change in his behavior, floating past more than normal. Sirius began turning into Padfoot more and more, trying to make it so the Dementors thought it was to be expected. Being Padfoot had other advantages as well. Padfoot's thoughts were simpler, less upsetting than Sirius' own and while Sirius was still present, the dog part of his brain was content with curling up in the corner and going to sleep, something Sirius could rarely do in his human form.

After a while, the Dementors went back to normal. Padfoot's presence was of little consequence to them. Sirius knew that now was the time to escape. He turned into Padfoot late one night and slipped through the bars, out of the prison, jumping into the water and swimming as fast as he could away from that godforsaken island that had been his cage.

He breathed in the salty air. _Finally_, he thought. He was free.

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	6. All Grown Up

_It's kind of insane that I have 311 hits and 129 visitors, from all over the world, on this story. So thanks, guys, for making me feel validated, haha. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think._

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><p>Sirius wandered around the English countryside, slowly figuring out where he was. His first goal was to find some food, so he milled about behind a restaurant, acting the part of a poor stray, until someone took pity on him and brought him a steak. This was the most food Sirius had eaten since he was taken to Azkaban, and as much as he wanted to savor it, he just couldn't stop himself from practically devouring the steak whole.<p>

Once he had some food in his stomach, he started working his way towards Little Winging. Last he heard, the Dursley's were still at Privet Drive and since it still felt like summer outside, Harry would still be there.

There were lights still on in all of the homes on Privet Drive, so Sirius assumed it was still relatively early, though it was dark outside.

Sirius padded up to the Dursley's home, trying to see if he could hear anything. He walked around the house to another window and found himself looking in on a dinner table.

A skinny woman, Petunia, a fat man Sirius assumed was her husband, and an equally fat boy, Dudley, and someone Sirius couldn't recognize were sitting down at the table. But where was Harry?

As if he could hear his thoughts, a skinny young boy trudged into the dining room, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. A young boy with a lightning bolt scar and green eyes. _Harry_, Sirius thought, suddenly wanting nothing more than to take Harry away from the Dursley's once and for all. But he had to wait.

And wait he did. Sirius sat in an alleyway, watching the Dursley's door, willing Harry to come outside.

Sirius didn't have to wait long, however. Yelling and shocked screaming could be heard from the Dursley home before the door flew open and a 13 year old Harry Potter marched out of the house, trunk in one hand, wand in the other. Sirius caught a glimpse of the large woman from before inflated like a balloon, floating against the ceiling. Sirius laughed internally. _Like father, like son_, he thought, fond memories of his and James' school years surfacing.

Harry didn't notice Sirius' presence and kept walking, a look of mixed anger and determination on his face. Sirius followed behind, his dog form allowing him to be stealthier than if he'd been a human. Padfoot's black fur and padded paws made it much easier for him to follow behind Harry without worrying him.

Sirius had realized that he couldn't turn into his human form, not even in an entirely Muggle-populated area, after hearing his name on the radio through the window of a home on the outskirts of London. It would seem the Minister had spoken to the Muggle Prime Minister and told him that Sirius was a fugitive and considered armed and dangerous. So he could say goodbye to a normal life, at least until he was able to clear his name.

After a bit of walking, Harry stopped suddenly, as if he knew Sirius was there. He turned to look at the alleyway where Sirius was watching rom.

Sirius remained as still as possible, all at once wanting Harry to see him and wanting him to think nothing was there.

"Lumos." Harry whispered, then gasped and staggered backwards, throwing out his right arm as if he expected to fall.

Suddenly, a bright purple bus appeared in front of Harry and Sirius would have laughed, had he been able to. The Knight Bus was the same mode of transportation Sirius had used when he ran away from home all those years ago.

The conductor hopped out of the swinging doors and started excitedly reciting his introduction.

Sirius turned and walked away from where Harry was getting on the Knight Bus. He'd just have to wait and meet up with Harry when he got to Hogwarts.

_Hogsmeade_, Sirius decided. _I'll go to Hogsmeade and wait there for the students to arrive at Hogwarts. As I recall, there's a certain empty, supposedly haunted house that could do with a visit._

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	7. Hogsmeade

_And now we're getting into the meat of the story, finally. There's going to be some non-face-to-face contact between our puppies soon :)_

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><p>Sirius arrived in Hogsmeade about two months after Hogwarts term started, based on the calendar he could see through the window at Honeydukes. He'd run into some trouble getting around as any quick forms of transportation didn't allow unaccompanied animals on board.<p>

There weren't any students in the town as it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend, and, as far as Sirius knew, only 4 students were ever able to get to Hogsmeade when they weren't meant to be, and none of them were still at Hogwarts.

So Sirius was shocked to see two boys who looked about the age to be attending Hogwarts walking around. He quickened his step to get within earshot of the two boys, trying to see what they were saying.

"Fred, I say we give it to him." one said. "He's miserable all alone when everyone's down here. Did you see him when McGonagall told him he couldn't come?"

It was then that Sirius realized who they were. The hair really should have given it away. These were the two Weasley twins, Fred and George. They were 12 years older, but it was them, no doubt about it. The last time Sirius had seen them, they were below his waist. Looking up at them was incredibly strange.

"George, can't we just show him how to get there? We're giving up a very useful object when it comes to the pranks."

"The Map is useful, yes, but Harry could use it just as well as we do, probably towards better ends. Come one, it'll make his year."

The map? They couldn't possibly mean… Filch had destroyed the map years ago… But, then again, Filch has a habit of holding onto things. That cat, for instance, is unbelievably old.

Fred sighed, his shoulders rising and falling. "Well, then, will you be the one to tell him that he won't be able to have tea with Professor Lupin again?"

George's happiness and "thank you"s were lost on Sirius, taken over by the fluttering in Sirius' chest at the name that had slipped so carelessly from Fred's lips.

_Lupin_. Was Remus at Hogwarts? A professor? Sirius couldn't believe it; or, rather, he could, and he couldn't be more proud. Remus had always wanted to teach at Hogwarts. It was the first place where Remus felt truly accepted, and to help create that experience for every other child that stepped through the doors was his dream ever since he left school. Remus was always the smart one of the group; it was only fitting that he would end up a teacher.

What Sirius couldn't believe was his luck. The year he breaks out and makes his way to Hogsmeade is the year that Remus is teaching at Hogwarts.

Sirius was now a lot more nervous than before. Before, it was just Harry. Sirius knew that as long as Harry gave him the chance to explain everything that happened, Harry would forgive him. As long as Harry believed that Sirius was telling the truth, there was nothing for Harry to be angry about. Well, except maybe leaving him with the Dursley's, but Dumbledore will have already explained that to him.

Remus, though… Remus had a lot to be angry with Sirius for. There had been a time, before Peter's betrayal that Sirius had suspected _Remus_ had been the spy. While Sirius knew, deep down, that it couldn't be him, not his Remus, but some part of Sirius kept him from telling Remus everything. It wasn't only the fact that Remus may have been passing information to Voldemort – it was that Sirius had wanted to protect Remus.

But Remus might not see it that way; he might see it as a lack of trust, something Remus was very serious about in relationships. Remus and Sirius told each other everything, ever since Hogwarts. It was harder that Sirius could say to keep his status as Secret Keeper from Remus. There were times when Sirius felt like he was going to implode from the effort of refraining from just yelling it out. But he knew that any person with even a basic knowledge of legilimency would know that he couldn't' tell them where James and Lily were. Sirius would do anything to protect Remus. _Anything_. And if keeping things from him was the only way to keep him safe, then so be it.

Sirius could only hope that he and Remus could go back to where they were.

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	8. Carvings

The Shrieking Shack held a lot of memories for Sirius. There were painful memories of desperately wanting to go inside and soothe Remus as he cried out during his transformation, and not being able to, knowing Remus wouldn't be happy. He never let any of his friends be present for the actual transformation. He was worried that they would see him for what he thought he truly was, a monster. Sirius, though… Sirius could never see Remus as a monster. No matter what Remus thought, he was never, isn't and will never be a true monster.

There were happy memories of secret picnics, stolen firewhiskey and food from the kitchens laid out on a blanket, the four Marauders all laughing at whatever story Sirius or Remus was relating. The Shrieking Shack became not only their hideaway for Remus' transformations, it was also their secret meeting place whenever they wanted to have a party, just the four of them.

There were sad memories of trying to console Remus the day after a particularly difficult transformation, trying to convince him that he wasn't a monster and that Sirius, and the others, would always be there fore him. _Just more broken promises_, Sirius thought, stretching his tired limbs after transforming into his human form for the first time in months. What he needed now was a place to lie down and a chance to rest.

Remus walked around the house, reminiscing on times past, looking for another room, any room with a bed, but he already knew there wasn't one. He just wasn't sure whether he could take the memories if he stayed the night in Remus' old room. After a while of making sure there was absolutely no chance of finding a bed in any other room, Sirius resigned himself to sleeping in the room that held the most memories.

Sirius walked in, breathing in deep, smiling lightly at the familiar musky smell and a bit of Remus' cologne that seemed to have clung to the pillows all these years. Whether the smell was actually still there, or it was just Sirius' imagination, it didn't matter, because it was there to Sirius. The smell brought back the amazing memories of all the times when he was close enough to Remus to smell the spicy-sweet scent. Those were some of Sirius' favorite memories, and he hoped to be close enough to smell the cologne when it was actually on a person, and not just pillows making him tear up.

Sirius lay down on the bed, groaning at the feeling of the first mattress he'd encountered in over a decade. It wasn't even a particularly comfortable bed, but to Sirius, it was like lying on a cloud.

The room itself was in shambles. There were bite and scratch marks on the furniture and walls. The furniture was dusty and starting to fall apart. But for some reason, Sirius felt like he was back home. For the first time since he left Remus that night, Sirius felt like he belonged. He felt so close to Remus, being in this place again. There were signs of him everywhere- the torn bed sheets, the scratch marks, the smells- and while this wasn't Remus' favorite place by any means, no one can deny that it held a lot of history.

Sirius looked up at the bedposts, noticing the marks they had left, finding the ones they'd done on purpose in their human forms, the ones that form letters.

_Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Marauders forever_.

Sirius traced the letters with his fingers, feeling the differences in the handwriting. James' was scratch and quick, Peter's deliberate, slow, but still messy, Sirius' own rough and sloppy and Remus'… Remus' careful, smooth and flowing handwriting.

Sirius closed his eyes and traced Remus' nickname, remembering the way he looked as he carved into the wood, nimble fingers delicately holding Sirius' knife, the smooth skin on his face wrinkled as he scrunched up his face in concentration, tongue barely poking through his lips… How could Sirius _not_ fall in love with him? Based on looks alone, Remus was more than Sirius could ever ask for, and then he had an amazing personality as well. For a moment, Sirius was back in school, carving his name into the wood of the bed on the last night before graduation, laughing and joking with his friends, young and ready to go out into the world, fight for what's write and live happily every after with Remus and any pet but a cat. Two dogs owning a cat, well… it wouldn't really work out.

But then Sirius opened his eyes and that moment was gone. He was back to being a tired, run down ghost of his former self who was on the run from the law and alone, whose one true love probably hates him…

And at that moment, Sirius would do anything to go back.


End file.
